"According
to therapist Engel (Partners in Recovery), "even the most loving person" is
capable of emotional abuse-that is, "any non-physical behavior designed to
control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish, or isolate." In a reasoned,
sensible tone, she encourages readers to become responsible for their
behavior and for changing it. Identified are ten "patterns of abuse"
(verbal assault, character assassination, etc), different kinds of abusive
relationships, action steps for cessation, and suggestions for recovery.
Using dense writing and cogent examples, Engel clearly shows how this type
of abuse, either intentional or unconscious, leads to low self-esteem and
misery for one or both partners. A difficult and draining yet important
read for those who suspect that their relationship has entered abusive
territory, this book is highly recommended. For books on remedying less
severe marital stresses, try Howard Markman and others' hokey but
well-intentioned Fighting for Your Marriage.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Engel’s work in the field has helped her gain a great deal of insight and
empathy for both the victim and the abuser. The Emotionally Abusive
Relationship shows emotionally abused people how to help themselves, as
well as showing emotionally abusive people how to stop abusing. Engel
covers all aspects of emotional abuse, including the patterns that begin in
childhood, teaching us how to identify and understand emotional abuse. This
prescriptive book combines dramatic personal stories with action steps to
heal. Focusing on the dynamics of an emotionally abusive relationship,
Engel provides strategies that will allow partners to work together to
resolve their issues and stop the abuse. Her step-by-step program provides
the skills needed to:
Spot the warning signs that a partner is a potential abuser
Establish firmer boundaries and develop a stronger sense of self
Cope with the anger, stress, and insecurities that propel abuse
Confront the abuser when he or she becomes abusive
Stop blaming and start taking responsibility
Determine whether or not the relationship is worth saving
Prevent emotional abuse in the future
Engel also includes pertinent information on borderline personality
disorder and its effects, as well as a section offering partners of
individuals with BPD strategies for dealing with the types of emotional
abuse they are likely to experience. "
PRAISE FOR the emotionally abusive relationship
"A good, solid treatment of an insidious but all-too-common type of
relationship in which the weapons are words and moods rather than the fist,
but which do just as much damage. Most importantly, Ms. Engel doesn’t just
describe–she shows us the way out."
–Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Emotional Blackmail
"In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers
step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. She explores the dynamics
of emotional abuse, helping both victims and abusers to identify the
patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide
both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of
emotional abuse."
–Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse and
coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse
"This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional
abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party
what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop
it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that
each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them."
–Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells
Workbook and owner of BPDCentral.com
"This is a must read for anyone who identifies with being emotionally
abused or emotionally abusive. Beverly Engel not only offers a detailed
description of the components of emotional abuse, she goes on to offer
practical suggestions for healing both for individuals and for couples."
–Steven Farmer, Ph.D., author of Adult Children of
Abusive Parents and Sacred Ceremony
Book History
Hardcover, John Wiley and Sons 2002
Observer Magazine article (National newspaper in the UK)
"According
to therapist Engel (Partners in Recovery), "even the most loving person" is
capable of emotional abuse-that is, "any non-physical behavior designed to
control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish, or isolate." In a reasoned,
sensible tone, she encourages readers to become responsible for their
behavior and for changing it. Identified are ten "patterns of abuse"
(verbal assault, character assassination, etc), different kinds of abusive
relationships, action steps for cessation, and suggestions for recovery.
Using dense writing and cogent examples, Engel clearly shows how this type
of abuse, either intentional or unconscious, leads to low self-esteem and
misery for one or both partners. A difficult and draining yet important
read for those who suspect that their relationship has entered abusive
territory, this book is highly recommended. For books on remedying less
severe marital stresses, try Howard Markman and others' hokey but
well-intentioned Fighting for Your Marriage.
secure affordable website hosting by