If you answer yes to even one of the following questions, you could be a
partner in a mutually destructive, emotionally abusive relationship.
Are You Being Emotionally Abused?
1. Do you feel as if your partner treats
you like a child?
2. Does your partner routinely ridicule, dismiss, or disregard your
opinions and feelings?
3. Do you find yourself “walking on eggshells,” wary of your partner’s
mood?
4. Is your partner jealous and resentful of the time you spend with
friends and family?
5. Does your partner usually insist on making the decisions and getting
his own way?
6. Does your partner punish you by pouting, withdrawing, or withholding
sex?
7. Does you partner constantly accuse you of flirting or having affairs,
without foundation?
8. Does your partner seem impossible to please, finding fault with
whatever you do?
9. Does your partner frequently put you down in front of others?
10. Does your partner blame you for his or her own problems?
11. Does your partner viciously tease and then accuse you of not being
able to take a joke?
12. Does your partner find it impossible to apologize or admit when he is
wrong?
13. Does your partner pressure you to engage in sexual acts that you find
abhorrent?
Are You Being Emotionally Abusive?
1. Do you perceive of yourself as being
smarter or somehow “better than” your partner? 2. Do you threaten to leave the house or end the relationship when you don’t
get your way? 3. Do you think your partner is too sensitive and easily bruised by your
teasing? 4. Have you ever denied saying or doing something to make your partner doubt
his sanity? 5. Do you experience frequent mood shifts, going from loving to rejecting
within minutes? 6. Do you believe your partner should be willing to have sex whenever you
are in the mood? 7. Do you believe your partner should put other things aside to tend to your
needs? 8. Do you often telephone your partner at work or at home for reassurance of
his love? 9. Do you question your partner incessantly about her activities when you
are apart? 10. Do you insist on being in control of the money in the relationship? 11. Do you expect your partner to always have the same opinions and passions
as you? 12. Have you ever threatened to destroy something of value to your partner? 13. Have you ever thrown or broken objects in an attempt to scare your
partner?
Adapted from THE EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP: How to Stop Being
Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel (Wiley; October 2002).
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